Would You Choose Not To Be Transgender?
I recently came across this post by journeytojames on the question, “If you could take a pill to get rid of dysphoria and make your mind align with your body, would you?” James shares that he would not:
I truly believe I was put on this earth to hold a masculine role, no matter how that role manifests itself and even if it means spending most of my life in transition, I want to get there. I want to be the father that my children will need, the husband to my wife, and just a good Black man in society.
I really appreciate his answer–this is much how I feel. I’ve thought about this question a number of times over the years, and always felt strongly that I would not want to turn myself into a cis woman. Actually, the idea is ridiculous. I’m a guy. This is who I am. I would not want to remove my dysphoria at the cost of being someone else.
Thinking over this question, I remembered another one, similar yet opposite: If you could flip a switch and be a cisgender person of your gender, would you? In other words, if you’re a trans man and could choose to have been born a cis man instead, would you make that choice?
For a long time, I thought I would flip the switch. It would be so much easier to be a cis guy. I could have avoided pain and inconvenience. My childhood and adolescence would have been immeasurably simpler, and my life would probably be easier going forward, too.
But you know what? I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. At bottom, both questions come down to the same thing: Would you rather be someone else? I think we all wonder that from time to time.
I have no way of knowing if another life would be any better. If I can’t be at peace with this life–my actual life–why should I be at peace with any other?
As difficult as it is, being trans has shaped who I am, and I like who I am. There are plenty of good things about being trans. More importantly, being trans presented me with a challenge, and I have risen to it. Being transgender gave me the chance to take a huge risk, tell a frightening truth, make a life-changing decision and take a transformative journey–all at a very young age. That experience is irreplaceable.
I have been given an amazing window on the human experience that most will never glimpse. I have learned the power of my own resolve and intuition. I have developed compassion and confidence. I have known pain and peace. I have lived.
So it’s not so much what makes the transgender experience unique that is at issue here. It’s what makes it universal. It’s a struggle, and struggle defines the human experience. At the end of the day, the content of our struggles is less important than what we make of them. Being transgender is a lot like being anything else. As a wise man once said, how strange it is to be anything at all.
Wow. This is an amazing post. Thank you for this.
Thank you, kassandwes, and thanks for stopping by!