Good Things About Being Trans* [7]


Image: Caroline’s Cakes

I have great sex.

Sex can be fraught with negative emotions for many trans* people–and for many cis people, for that matter. It is difficult to find a person you really click with, and to create a space where both people can feel comfortable, be vulnerable, and enjoy themselves.

I struggled with this for many years. Pre-transition, I was never 100% comfortable and 100% naked at the same time. Sex often triggered dysphoria, anxiety and a sense of inadequacy. For the first few years I was sexually active, I never had sex sober.

Moving forward on my gender journey, sexuality has been an important area for healing. I am now able to enjoy sex in a close, happy relationship with my fiancee.

As a result of being trans and going through all those painful experiences, I learned to communicate directly about what feels good and what doesn’t. I learned to focus just on connecting with my partner, in one moment. Being trans forced me to become nonjudgmental about the human body, to directly state my preferences, and to ask my partner’s preferences, with little preconceived idea of how things will go. Turns out these things laid the foundation for a great sex life.

What are some good things about being trans*? Send your answers to or submit anonymously.

In this series, I highlight individuals’ positive experiences. You probably won’t relate to every entry, but maybe some will resonate with you.


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