Hysterectomy Blues

I’m planning to get a hysterectomy fairly soon. I always knew this would be part of my transition. Now that I’m here, it’s more difficult than I thought it would be.

It makes being trans much more real. I am a man who was born with a uterus and ovaries. What the fuck, God? It feels like a head-on collision with the absurdity of life.

I have always wanted to have a family. I feel a profound longing to be a parent, and I have for my whole life. I don’t feel strongly that I want to be a biological parent specifically, and I don’t want to use what I was born with. Still, there’s something really sad about surgical sterilization at the age of 24. I feel shut out of an important experience that other people take for granted. I know that many people can’t have biological children, but nobody talks about it.

My fiancée and I want to adopt. I am terrified we will face discrimination that will make that impossible. I am not interested in reproductive technologies, for a variety of reasons. I have been fortunate to meet a number of trans people who are parents, but none who have adopted.

There are some major silver linings here, of course. I won’t have to worry about the elevated cancer risk I may have as a transsexual man (the reason my doctor recommends hysterectomy). I won’t have any female-specific health care needs. I will have an excuse to lay around watching movies for a week. And I think I will feel a satisfying peace that my transition is complete.

So it’s not that I don’t want a hysterectomy–it’s that I wish I didn’t need one.

Advertisements

7 comments

  1. Mxtrmeike13

    I feel similarly, but any sort of lower surgery for me is still up in the air. I just had top surgery in February, and this was the real driving force behind my medical transition, as I don’t identify as a man but rather as a person (gender-neutral and transmasculine, to be specific). Since top surgery was my biggest surgery to date, during the recovery period I thought about other gender-related surgeries and felt exhausted at the thought of choosing to undergo any of them.

    I’m fully recovered now and waiting for my results to “solidify,” so to speak, but I still feel wishy washy over the whole bottom surgery thing; should I go for more in-depth lower surgery to include both a hysto and metoidioplasty/veginectomy? Or just a simple hysto to reduce my risk of various cancers? Or none at all, and just wait and see if I ever need a hysto? All very confusing and frustrating. I can understand why you’re frustrated in your case, too.

    • rimonim

      I started testosterone, had chest surgery. changed my name and changed my gender marker all in the same year. After that I felt exhausted and the last thing I wanted to think about was more surgery! I think it’s important to take time to adjust to and enjoy the changes you’ve made, before deciding on further steps. It’s just recently that I’m ready to think about surgery again (almost 3 years later).

      It’s a tough call on the bottom surgery question(s). I probably wouldn’t be thinking about it, but my doctor keeps bringing it up and I want to be free forever of exams to check on the internal equipment. My mom also suggested I do the hysto before I age off of my dad’s insurance (in about a year and a half), which is a good idea. After that I’ll wait and see if I ever feel motivated to seek more bottom surgery (metoidioplasty), especially if my circumstances change (such as if my insurance would cover it).

      Thanks for the empathy. Best of luck in your decision-making!

  2. genderneutral

    I totally get the wish to not have to get one. As it sounds like you are clear that it is a needed step in your transition, know if you get it done lapriscopically, it is a very easy surgery and you will be back on your feet quickly. 1 week for sure. I had this done and oh what a relief!!!

  3. theeegreatdane

    Best of luck! I toy with idea of a hysterectomy in my future… though I’ve known for a long time, well before I started transitioning, that if I were to be a parent, that I did not want to conceive one biologically. Adoption and discrimination is scary– but I feel like we are on the right track toward making such discrimination illegal. Have hope.

  4. Pingback: Trans ≠ Transition | Today I Am A Man
  5. Pingback: Hysterical Man: 4 Lessons Learned Preparing For Middle Surgery | Today I Am A Man

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s