Questions To Ask When Questioning Your Gender

Questioning your gender is an essential part of transition. In a real sense, transition begins the moment we break the great taboo and gives ourselves permission to wonder: Who am I, really? Who do I want to be? This is a road rarely traveled, and sometimes we get lost or stuck along the way. I thought I would share some of the questions I found most helpful during the years I spent investigating my gender. Some of these I asked myself, some others asked of me.

A caution–these questions cannot test your gender. An answer doesn’t have a definite meaning about your gender or what choices you should make. Rather, they raise possibilities, little windows through which you might catch a glimpse of yourself. How you feel and any images or associations that arise are likely to be as important as any answer you can put into words. Some questions may resonate with you, others, not so much.

Now, in no particular order…

  • If you lived alone on an island, how would you feel about your body and/or gender?
  • If you could make any wish about your gender, what would it be?
  • What would it feel like to be at peace with your gender (or your body)?
  • What is your gender in dreams?
  • What is the color, flavor, scent of your gender?
  • Who shares your gender?
  • What gender were you in your past life?
  • What will your gender be when you are old?
  • If you lived in a different culture or time period, how might you express your gender?
  • If you could snap your fingers and change anything about your body and/or gender, what would you change?
  • Who is most like you? Most different from you?
  • If your assigned sex were different, how might you express your gender?
  • If there were no risks and no costs involved, what would you do?

Please feel free to share your answers. Readers, what questions helped when you were uncertain about your gender?


  1. georgiakevin

    What an outstanding post! i knew my gender since i was 5 but these are wonderful questions. i would love to answer them in this format but i am really shy about this.

  2. genderneutral

    Great questions and timely as I was just talking with a collegue who is new to working with trans clients – we were discussing questions to ask to get the client thinking clearly about gender issues and weeding thru other issues that might be tangled in.

    on a personal note: I find the questions interesting. When I finally arrived, I didn’t ask this kind of question, I just knew, you know, what I needed. So I more asked: am I ready now? what will this mean professionally? more practical questions I guess. And as I read thru your list, I appreciate the room it leaves for a wide variety of gender non-conforming expressions and their needs of expression.

  3. TJ

    Reblogged this on lgbTJ and commented:
    This is an excellent post from, Today I Am A Man. I have asked these questions of myself so many times!!! Thank you!

  4. Ashley

    The “what gender will you be when you are old?” is one that really helped my back when I was working through this stuff. Another question I asked myself is: “When I have children some day, will I be a mother or a father or a parent?”

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